2019年8月31日星期六

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND LIKES PERIOD SEX, BUT YOU'RE NOT INTO IT


Couple having steamy shower sexSo: She likes to have sex during her period, but you're not so into it. Here's what to consider.
For one, period sex has lots of benefits, says Moushumi Ghose, psychotherapist and sex therapist. 
"It provides lots of natural lubrication to make sex so much more fun, slick, and joyful. Sure, it might get messy, but isn’t that what sex is about? Just put some towels down first. Also, many women are really relaxed during their period. Their PMS is over, their hormones are flowing—why not take advantage?"
Also, if she orgasms, it can help relieve cramps.
Another plus: Lots of women feel aroused like no other time during their period, says Tammy Nelson, Ph. D., psychotherapist, and sex therapist—so it makes sense she’d be into it.
Of course, it also makes sense you might freak seeing blood on your penis, but there are other ways to have sex. Maybe she simply wants an orgasm, and you can help her out with that. She just might return the favor.
And for some real-world insight, we turned to our favorite writer/comedienne next door, Jena Friedman: "You should get into it!" she says. "Period sex is an age-old witch ritual that solidifies the bond between a woman and her prey—I mean partner. And I hear it increases relationship satisfaction and penis size." (Okay, take that last part with a grain of salt.)

ASK MEN'S FITNESS: HOW CAN I TELL IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS "FAKING IT"?

Ask Men's Fitness: How Can I Tell If My Girlfriend Is "Faking It"?
WITHOUT CONFRONTING HER, HOW CAN I TELL IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS “FAKING IT”? —RICK W., MARSHALL, WV
Truth is, she may be. Perhaps only on rare occasions, perhaps more often. The problem is, there’s no real way for you to know for sure. Even if you ask her, what’s she going to say? So instead of worrying about if she is or isn’t engaging in bedroom theatrics, focus on making sex as satisfying as possible. That’s what you’re really going for at the end of the day anyway, right? Ask her what positions she likes, how she enjoys sex the most (fast, slow, rough, soft), and what her fantasies are. See if there’s anything you could do better or more often. Be aware of how she’s responding to you. What are you doing at the times she seems really into it? What actions seem to excite her?
If you truly want to get to the bottom of her orgasms, confront her but keep your questions exploratory rather than accusatory, like, “Do you have different types of orgasms?” and, “What am I doing when you’re having the best ones?” Instead of launching some fruitless investigation, I’d advise you to focus on being the best lover you can possibly be. Even if she’s lied about crossing the finish line, remember: In sex, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

2019年8月30日星期五

THE 6 BEST EXERCISES FOR MORE POWERFUL ORGASMS

hether you're working out to look good, feel good, or perform better in a sport, there's no question that exercise has a multitude of benefits for your body and mind. But did you know that your gym workout can make your sex life better, too? Beyond feeling fitter, sexier, and more confident, exercise can improve your endurance in bed and even target the muscles that make your orgasms more intense (in some cases, exercise itself can cause orgasms). 
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., is an associate professor at Indiana University and author of The Coregasm Workout. In her research, she has found that cardio is essential for an out-of-this-world orgasm, saying, “Cardio keeps the cardiovascular system healthy, which is at the root of blood flowing throughout the body including the pelvic area during sexual arousal.” But she also says that there are strength and flexibility exercises that make a difference, too. Add these moves to your fitness regimen and enjoy the benefits. 
1. Plank
You’ve probably heard of kegel exercises. Kegels are exercises that help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that are essential during sex. So what do these muscles do? Pelvic floor muscles contract during sex to improve sexual arousal and sensation. But Herbenick says that women can also strengthen the pelvic floor muscles with core exercises. She recommends the plank to improve core stability and improve pelvic floor awareness and strength.
2. Walking Lunge
You can also lunge your way into a longer, more exciting orgasm. “My research also specifically looks at how many women engage in lower abdominal core exercises in ways that enhance their sexual arousal and orgasm,” Herbenick says. Walking lunges require you to contract and engage your core while your body is moving. This promotes improved stability and engagement through your core.
3. Pullup
If you want to get sweaty and breathless in bed, you should do it in the gym. Herbenick says that some core exercises performed to exhaustion can be beneficial. She listed “high core demanding exercises” like the pullup or chinup as a great way to boost your bedroom routine. Can’t do a full pullup? No problem! Use the assisted pullup machine at the gym to develop strength and still enjoy its core-stabilizing benefits.
4. Stretching
Want to move in and out of your favorite sexual positions with greater confidence and ease? Then start stretching at the end of your workout. “Anyone who enjoys being flexible during sex can benefit from enhancing their flexibility as part of their exercise program,” Herbenick explains. She also says that some people participate in yoga, dance classes, or water aerobics to improve range of motion. But you can also increase flexibility just by stretching at the end of your exercise session.
5. Bicycle Crunch
Would you believe that old-school bicycle crunches make you better in bed? They do! And you might even benefit from some extra excitement in the gym when you perform them. In 2010, when Dr. Herbenick first started researching her Coregasm Workout, she learned that people often had exercise orgasms or sexual arousal during certain types of exercises. And those exercises were often abdominal exercises. The bicycle crunch is just one of the ab exercises she recommends for heightened sensation.
6. Do Your Home "Work"
In addition to your gym workout, you can also do a few exercises at home to achieve a better orgasm. In an article for intimate lifestyle brand LELO, Dr. Ian Kerner says that a home workout with the LUNA Smart Bead can help you to train your intimate muscles. The small, discreet device works with you while you practice kegel exercises. “When it vibrates, you squeeze, when it stops, you relax,” says Dr. Kerner. “It measures your orgasmic potential from the first time you squeeze it, and then guides you through five exercise levels to enhance and develop your orgasmic power.”
So the next time you find yourself searching for motivation to work harder or exercise longer, think about the sexual benefits you gain from each workout. Then add these exercises to your weekly routine for better performance in and out of the bedroom.

HOW TO HELP A WOMAN HAVE HER FIRST ORGASM


As a sex therapist and the creator of Finishing School, an online course that teaches women how to orgasm alone and with their partners, I’ve had a lot of conversations about first orgasms. Women have told me the specific thoughts that go through their heads when they’re with their partners. They’ve told me the major challenges and blockages that they face in reaching their climax. I’ve developed techniques for helping women let go and topple over the edge, and I’ve honed those techniques after getting feedback from hundreds of women. And now, I want to share that knowledge with you! Here are eight steps you can take to help your lady have her very first orgasm, whether she’s your long-term partner or a one-night stand.

One of the main frustrations I hear from my clients is that they feel pressured by their partners to have an orgasm. My clients have heard things like, “you’re the only woman I’ve been with who has had this problem.” Even phrases like, “I can’t be satisfied unless you orgasm” or “are you there yet?” can come off as pressuring with the wrong tone.
No one wants to feel that they need to perform a certain way in the bedroom. If you’ve ever struggled to get or stay hard, or control your orgasmic timing, I’m sure you can understand how terrible it is to feel performance pressure.
My advice—don’t even bring up the topic of orgasm. If she mentions it, you can set her at ease by saying something like, “I want to make you feel good when you’re with me. If you end up having an orgasm at the end, that’s great. But I’m more focused on making you feel good the entire time.”
Make Her The Center Of Attention
The clitoris is the center of the orgasmic universe for women. The best way to make a woman orgasm is by using your fingers, your mouth—or both—on her clit. She’s most likely not going to orgasm from penetration alone, (only about 20-30% of women can), so aim to give her an orgasm first.
Unfortunately, a lot of women have a hard time allowing themselves to be the center of attention. If she balks, say something like, “I really enjoy focusing on you, so don’t worry about me. If you want to, you can make it up to me later.”
Tease Her
Now let’s talk about the specifics of what to do when you’re pleasuring her. One of the biggest mistakes men make is going way too fast. This isn’t a race! Most women love being teased as much as they love actually being licked and touched. Spend plenty of time nibbling her neck, kissing her thighs, and rubbing her labia over her underwear. You want her to be practically begging you for more before you even venture between her legs.
Hone In On Her Clit
Another major mistake men make is being too rough with the clitoris. Her clitoris is much more delicate than your penis. Start off by touching her clitoris so slowly and so gently that you couldn’t even imagine it being pleasurable. Very, very gradually work your way up to more pressure and more speed. When it comes to the actual stroke you use with your fingers or your tongue, my advice is to not get too complicated. A woman is most likely to orgasm from simple, consistent strokes. With your fingers, try stroking back and forth diagonally across the surface of her clit. With your tongue, try going in circles around her clit.
Get Her Feedback
If she hasn’t had an orgasm yet, she’s not going to know exactly what she needs to get there. Don’t ask her questions like, “what do you want?” or “what should I do?” That will just put her on the spot and make her feel uncomfortable. The smarter way to elicit feedback is by asking her to compare two strokes, two speeds, or two levels of pressure. Ask her, “do you like it better when I do this or this?”
Be Patient
On average, women take about 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That’s another reason why I recommend keeping it simple with your strokes; you want to be able to sustain the same movement for about 20 minutes! It’s also important to continue helping her feel comfortable being the center of attention. If you notice her start to get impatient, tell her, “I’m loving this, so I’m going to keep going until you tell me you want me to stop.”
Enjoy Yourself!
Perhaps the best tip I could give you is to make sure you’re having fun as you’re pleasuring her. If you enjoy giving oral more than touching her, stick with your tongue. If there’s a particular stroke you enjoy doing, do it. Truly, there’s nothing hotter than having an enthusiastic partner. She’ll be able to relax and you’ll be able to enjoy pleasuring her. Talk about a win-win!

2019年8月27日星期二

3 Things We Can Learn From Women Who Orgasm Every Time

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According to the authors of a sad new study, when it comes to climaxing, straight women are the least lucky in bed. They report having fewer orgasms than heterosexual men and gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals of both sexes. But there is a silver lining to the study's findings: Straight women who do orgasm have several things in common, the authors say, and taking a cue from these ladies may boost a couple's odds of achieving dual satisfaction.
The researchers, from Chapman University, Indiana University, and the Kinsey Institute, asked more than 52,000 adults across the United States how often they reached orgasm during intimacy. The results, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, revealed that across all sexual orientations, men were more likely than women to respond with “usually” or “always.”
Straight guys led with a 95% performance rate, followed by gay men (89%), and bisexual men (88%). For women, 86% of lesbians said they usually or always had an orgasm during sex, followed by 66% of bisexuals and 65% of heterosexuals.
When asked if they had an orgasm every time they had sex, 75% of men said yes, compared to just 33% of women. But before you blame biological differences, consider this: Among lesbian women, 59% reported reaching the Big O every time.
So what explains the so-called orgasm gap between men and women—especially straight men and women? The study authors speculate that social stigma about women expressing sexual desire, along with the pressure on men to take the lead during sex, may prevent heterosexual couples from exploring activities that specifically feel good to the woman.
Lesbian women, on the other hand, are more likely to engage in manual or oral stimulation. But even when the study controlled for the frequency of these acts, they still had more orgasms than straight women. It may be that they simply have a better understanding of what gives their partners pleasure, the authors say, or that they’re more likely to take turns satisfying each other.
The authors do have some pointers, however, for anyone feeling particularly orgasm-starved. When they looked specifically at women who climaxed during their last sexual encounter, they found three common themes: In addition to vaginal intercourse, these experiences were likely to include deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex. This finding suggests three easy (and fun!) things couples can try.
In general, women in the study who had frequent orgasms were more likely to have longer sex, be more satisfied with their relationships, ask for what they want in bed, express love during sex, and praise their partners for something they did in bed, compared to those who had fewer.
Sexually satisfied women were also more likely to engage in adventurous acts—teasing their partners with flirty calls or emails, wearing sexy lingerie, trying new sexual positions, experimenting with anal stimulation, acting out fantasies, and incorporating “sexy talk” into their lovemaking. These acts can have ripple effects, says lead author David Frederick, PhD, assistant professor of health psychology at Chapman University; they can make men feel more desired, thereby ramping up their motivation to please their partner.  
But couples don’t have to get crazy kinky, says Frederick. “I wouldn’t suggest that every person should try every act of sexual variety,” he told Health in an email, “but choosing some acts that you are interested in sampling from that menu of variety could boost satisfaction.” (That’s true not just in sex, but in relationships too, he adds: Couples who try new things together generally feel their bond strengthen.)
It’s normal to feel slightly uncomfortable or nervous when experimenting, adds Frederick—but as long as you're both interested and intrigued by an idea, and you’re comfortable communicating openly about it, it may be worth a try.
And if you want your guy to do something differently, just ask. “One of the best ways to do this is to provide positive reinforcement for behaviors you like,” says Frederick. “Telling your partner, ‘I really love when you...’ and ‘it really turns me on when...’” If something he does is a major turn-off, he suggests pairing a negative with a positive: "It feels a little uncomfortable when you …, but it feels amazing when you …”
Oh, and one more thing: The study found that 41% of straight men said their partners usually or always had an orgasm, while only 33% of straight women agreed that was true. In other words, while it may be tempting to fake it for your partner’s benefit, doing so may only widen the gap.

10 Eye-Opening Facts You Actually Didn’t Know About Vaginas, Sex, Orgasms, and More

When it comes to sexual health, we'd like to think we've covered it all—from male and female anatomy to sex, orgasms, and fertility. And we've definitely delved into our fair share of questionable vagina trends, such as whether inserting garlic into the vagina can treat a yeast infection and if squatting over steaming coffee really will induce labor. (No and no, for the record.)
So when we came across The Wonder Down Under ($21, amazon.com), we were surprised to learn that there’s actually a lot more we haven't covered concerning sex and sexual health. In fact, we learned so much from coauthors and sex educators Nina Brochmann, MD, and Ellen Stokken Dahl, we knew we had to share. Below, 10 fascinating tidbits you probably didn’t know about your wonder down under. 

There’s more to the clitoris than meets the eye

Most people think that the clitoris is a small pleasure zone tucked inside the vulva. Turns out that what you see is only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. The clitoris extends well into the pelvis—and it develops from the same tissue as the penis.
“Up until about the twelfth week in the uterus, the genital tracts of male and female embryos are exactly alike, dominated by a kind of mini-penis (or giga-clitoris!) known as the genital tubercle,” write Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. “It has the potential to develop into either a female or male sexual organ. Since the penis and clitoris both develop from the same basic structure, the two organs share many similarities of form and function.”
One difference: The head of the clitoris has 50 times the concentration of nerve endings as does the head of a penis. No wonder even a little too much pressure there can quickly go from pleasurable to painful.

Pubic hair can boost your sexual pleasure

Going bare down there might make you feel sexier. But keeping some pubic hair comes with a surprising benefit: more pleasure during sex. Hair around the vagina helps "to heighten our sexual sensitivity,” the authors state. “If your partner strokes you lightly over your pubic hair, the bending of the hairs will send a signal to the follicles, which will pass the message on to your nervous system.” Without bush, you might be cheating yourself out of sexual sensation.

If you are shaving down below, cheaper razors are better

Yep, you read that right. Apparently single-blade razors are better. Why? Pricier ones that come with multiple blades are more likely to cause ingrown hairs, since each additional blade cuts hair farther beneath the surface of the skin. “What’s more, the high price means that a lot of people avoid changing blades as often as they should, so that the blades become blunt and covered in bacteria,” according to Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. 

Discharge keeps things clean

“The purpose of discharge is to keep the vagina clean and to flush out unwelcome guests such as fungi and bacteria, as well as dead cells from the surface of the mucous membrane,” write the authors. This whitish or clear fluid (depending on where you are in your cycle) also contains a decent amount of good bacteria, like lactobacilli, to help ward off infections.
That’s not all though. Discharge helps lubricate the mucous membranes in the vagina. Without it, we’d be way more likely to experience tears, sores, painful sex, and STIs. Never thought we'd be saying this, but discharge is your BFF.

You have your period for 6.5 years straight

Let’s break it down: Say you bleed once a month for five days. That’s 60 days of bleeding every year. If you have a period for 40 years, that’s 2,400 days of menstruation, which equals about 6.5 years over the course of your life. Mind. Blown.

Yes, it's safe to do headstands during your period

Avid yogis have probably heard yoga instructors advise against inversions (think: handstands, headstands) while menstruating. Yet there’s actually no reason to avoid the challenging poses during shark week. “Periods are the expulsion of the endometrium. You get no more and no less endometrial growth no matter what you do,” the authors tell us. So feel free to do a headstand (or swim, or have sex, or run a marathon!) at that time of the month.

Having an orgasm might kickstart your period

Have you ever had sex . . . and then immediately started your flow? You’re not alone. While experts aren’t totally sure why this happens, they do have a few theories. One is the “cramps theory,” which holds that the same uterine contractions responsible for pushing out period blood also trigger contractions during orgasm. So if you’re having sex right before your period is set to start, the muscle spasms that take place when you climax may help release menstrual blood.

Most women don't truly have PMS

We may call our pre-period mood swings and chocolate cravings PMS, but true premenstrual syndrome is a condition that causes symptoms so severe, they prevent women from engaging in everyday life. They also tend to occur almost every month, not just once in a while.
“Moreover, the symptoms must start and stop at the times typical for PMS: They must start in the premenstrual phase and stop when your period arrives,” write the authors. “Around 20 to 30 percent of all women have symptoms that qualify as mild or moderate PMS.” 

Sex drives aren't really a thing

It’s a myth that we are born with a sex drive. “Drives are like instincts that help keep us alive,” explain the authors. “They are what cause thirst, hunger, and tiredness among others.” So although life would be less interesting, we don’t actually need to have sex in order to survive.
Brochmann and Stokken Dahl say we should instead think of sexual desire as a reward. “The system only works as long as sex serves as a reward for the brain. In other words, we’re not born with a sexual appetite, we become sexually desirous.”

Working out before sex can make an orgasm more likely

Here’s a good reason to get sweaty before you get sexy. “Exercise, especially right before sex, makes it easier for you to get aroused and increases many people’s capacity to reach orgasm,” write Brochmann and Stokken Dahl. BRB, heading out for an evening jog. . . . 

2019年8月25日星期日

7 Pregnancy Sex Positions You Should Try Tonight

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Just because you’re knocked up does not mean that you shouldn’t be having sex. Just the opposite, in fact.
Countless studies have shown that having sex while pregnant is not only safe and totally normal, but can even play a role in an easier delivery and pregnancy overall.
Who needs a better excuse than that, right?
Plus, with all those raging hormones, you might find yourself hornier than you’ve ever been in your life. Again, totally normal. Take advantage of your wild sex goddess needs and get after it.
Pregnant bodies are beautiful bodies.
Now, let’s be real, being pregnant is tiring. You are growing a human life. So, when you’re choosing sex positions, always pay attention to your body and what feels most comfortable for you. If you need a few ideas, try these 7 tried and true pregnancy sex positions.

1. Spoon

Spooning is usually the go-to position for women in their later trimesters. It’s an easy position for both you and your partner and doesn’t require a lot of cardiovascular involvement. As much as you want an orgasm, you may not want to over-exert yourself.
This is a great position for body-contact, and with all those hormones running wild, it can be comforting to feel your partner so close. Have your partner lie behind you like a big spoon and enter from behind. You can easily rock back and forth. Grab your vibrator for more clitoral contact.

2. Leaned Lotus

Sit face-to-face, and have your partner enter you while sitting on his or her lap. Lotus is a very sensual and simple position. It’s ideal for clitoral stimulation and intimacy.
The issue arises when your pregnant belly makes it difficult to mount your partner’s lap. To ease yourself in more easily, lean your arms back to add some extra space between the two of you.

3. Standing missionary

The last thing you want is pressure on your stomach, so classic missionary is out. It just isn’t comfortable (and might even be a bit unsafe in your final months). Of course, there are ways around this.
Instead of regular missionary, try it standing. Lie on the edge of the bed, with your butt at the edge. Have your partner enter you, standing next to the bed. This way you get all the deep penetration you crave without the weight of your partner crushing you. Put a pillow under your lower back for support.
Plus, being pregnant is exhausting enough so, the more positions you can do that require little effort, the better.

4. Open-legged spoon

Spooning saves the day during pregnancy. Try this altered-style for even more relaxed (and creative!) fun. Lie on your back, propped up with pillows. Doctors don’t recommend spending large amounts of time flat on your back during pregnancy so, being pushed up is a healthy alternative.
Have your partner lie at an (almost) 90 degree angle, on his or her side. Place your knees over his or her hip. You can use your hand or a toy to stimulate your clitoris, as you have optimal reach.

5.Oral sex

There is just no beating oral sex pretty much ever. Pregnancy makes a lady tired. Your body is working very hard. You deserve to relax and be treated.
Studies have shown that many women get even hornier when they’re pregnant than before they concieved. So, get yourself some old-fashioned oral sex up in here. The coziest way to receive is likely with your body propped back against a sea of pillows. You know, like a queen on her throne. Sitting in a chair is also a good choice.
Hopefully you have a partner who loves giving head because you deserve that in your life. If not, here's how to ask for more.

6. Forward Woman Superior

Cowgirl is kind of worst when you’re pregnant because it’s just too much cardio. It’s like going to spin class wearing a twenty-pound weighted vest. So, get a little creative with it. You can still enjoy all the on top goodness, you just have to make it work for your new body.

Lean forward so your hands are on either side of your partner’s face. Rock back and forth. You use your arms to take the pressure off the lower half of your body, making this position easier and more pleasurable.

7. Doggy style

Doggy style doesn’t go out of style when you’re pregnant. Your belly is safely out of the way when your partner enters you from behind. Just be sure to stay on all-fours. Don’t lie on your stomach during penetration.
For some, this position feels too deep during pregnancy, but go ahead and find out for yourself!