Saying “I Love You” Makes Sex Better, Science Says

Evidence shows expressing your feelings in the bedroom is a great way to make you and your partner feel sexually satisfied.  In other words, uttering “I love you” is actually more erotic than wearing sexy lingerie or straight-up foreplay.  Don't believe us?  Science says so!  Here, we highlight how dropping the L-bomb makes sex better, according to science.

The basics. Researchers from Chapman University in the U.S. analyzed the sexual habits of 39,000 married or cohabiting heterosexual men and women, all of whom had been with their partner for at least three years. In other words, these couples were all at peak comfort levels.

The method. The study, which is one of the largest of its kind to date, included an online survey which got tens of thousands of responses.

Age. The average age of the study’s participants was 40 years old for women, and 46 years old for men.

The (good) results. The researchers found that the most satisfied men and women were the ones who engaged in more intimate behavior between the sheets. It turns out 75 percent of satisfied men admitted they say “I love you” while they have sex and 74 percent of satisfied women do the same.

The (bad) results. That said, 49 percent of dissatisfied men also said “I love you” during sex, as did 44 percent of dissatisfied women. Who said the L-bomb fixes everything?

So what’s the difference between satisfied couples and dissatisfied ones? "Almost half of satisfied and dissatisfied couples read sexual self-help books and magazine articles, but what set sexually satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas," said Dr. David Frederick, assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University and lead author of the study.

Other details that affected sex. Other habits which improved sex included praising your partner for something they did in the sack and asking your partner for something you want (duh). Those who spoke lovingly — without actually saying “I love you” — while they had sex were also among the more satisfied participants.

What do the results mean? Well, the results show that the more a couple communicates during sex, the more satisfied they are. In other words, forget sex toys and use that mouth!

Prioritizing sex. On a deeper level, the study found that couples stop sexin’ it up on a regular basis after the first year of their relationship. After that point, they have to work to make sexual satisfaction a priority.

Decline of sexual satisfaction. The scientists learned that the overwhelming majority of respondents — 83 percent — were sexually satisfied in the first six months of the relationship.

Decline of sexual satisfaction after six months. Only half of the participants said they were currently satisfied with their sex lives. As for the rest? Well, 41 percent of men and 27 percent of women reported feeling dissatisfied, while 16 percent of men and 18 percent of women said they felt “neutral.”

The importance of sexual variety. The scientists found that sexual variety was significant for overall satisfaction, but they couldn’t figure out exactly what was conducive to long-term happiness between the sheets.

Lack of evidence to support certain forms of sexual variety. “Evidence on the effectiveness of specific forms of variety, such as showering together or wearing lingerie or use of sex toys, is lacking,” said Dr. Frederick.

The importance of mood and sexting. The researchers discovered that setting a romantic or sexual mood or sending a flirty text earlier in the day appears to help overall sexual satisfaction. Sext away, folks!

The takeaway. If you’re planning on having some earth-shattering orgasms with your partner, leave the pleasure gels and battery-powered toys out of the bedroom. Instead, simply drop the L-bomb. Just know that after six months, it's going to lose it's juice. Hopefully the two of you don't.

How To Tell If You’re Being Sexually Empowered Or Objectified – Ask Yourself This Simple Question

In feminist theory, there’s a long-standing debate that women (and men) cannot seem to wrap their heads around.  When we talk about sexual liberation, how do we know if someone is being sexually empowered or objectified — after all, don't they look incredibly similar from the outside?  Well the answer, according to Ronnie Ritchie, writer at Everyday Feminism, is simpler than you think.

The same old argument. You’ve heard people debating whether porn or sexually explicit photos of women are objectifying or not. Some say that these forms of media are objectifying while other people claim that the women partaking in those acts are sexually empowering themselves by claiming their bodies and doing what they want with them.

What it comes down too. When objectification and empowerment look so similar from the outside, you may be asking yourself, what’s the difference? That would be the power.

Control. Whoever is controlling a person’s presence in a sexual situation has the power. In other words if the sexualized person has the power in the situation, then they are empowered!

The power of consent. However, if the person being sexualized has little to no power, then they are being objectified. If a person is entering into a sexual situation willingly, they hold consent. When consent is present, a person can leave a sexual situation if they no longer wish to be involved. And there are no consequences.

The multiple factors of consent and power. A "sexy" selfie, taken in public or private and shared online, gives the person in question power. They chose to put themselves in those clothes and take those photos. But, when we factor social acceptability and peer pressure into the equation, things start getting messy.

Beauty standards. However, a person can be compelled to wear something "sexy" because they feel that they won’t be attractive otherwise (which is a high standard of worth for females). A person can also be compelled not to wear "sexy" clothing because they’ll be shamed if they do. The old catch-22: “men like girls who show skin, but no one likes a slut!"

Modesty can be objectified. On the other end of the spectrum, even a person who is "modestly" dressed can be objectified if someone takes their consent and power away. A non-sexual situation can become sexual by a person’s comments. Think of cat-calling on the street; many women who are cat-called are on their way to work, school, etc. People will shout indecencies like, “I’d tap that!” or “damn, baby!” at a female, which takes away her power and objectifies her simply for walking down the street.

There are people who aren’t capable of giving consent. Like children. Statutory rape laws are centered around the idea that minors aren’t developed enough to provide consent, regardless of the situation. In these instances, a child never has power and the older men/women who prey on them hold it all.

Fictional characters can’t provide consent, either. All forms of power and consent stay with the creators. The character’s desires can only be speculated. Men/women who argue that certain characters (like Wonder Woman) are empowered say they would consent if they existed. But, they do not. It is the responsibly of the creator to portray active consent, as if the character were real.

Commercial sex. Some see providing sex commercially as very empowering. As Dita Von Tease once said, “Some people say what I do isn’t very liberating. I say it’s pretty liberating getting $20,000 for 10 minutes of work.” Commercial sex workers may not feel obligated to accept every new/potential client, but not everyone is as lucky as Ms. Tease. Many sex workers do not have the option to be discriminating, thus they lose their consent.

The downside to sex work. Ultimately, many of those who enter the sex industry don’t do so because they want to. Poverty, race and assigned sex are factors that lead women into becoming sex workers. They often face discrimination and criminalization, which saps power from them.

Trans women and sex work. A lot of people believe that trans women specifically choose to engage in sex work because they don’t want "real" jobs. Sex work is work. And sometimes, it is the only viable career option.

Systematic oppression. Systematic oppression creates circumstances that push wide numbers of women to chose sex work as a means of survival. Choosing to survive is not weak. These women enter the workforce with no consent or power, and there is often little-to-no exchange between people of power vs. the oppressed.

Consider. People who think cat-calling and other forms of objectification are flattering have never been followed home at night by a man shouting at them. Since when has, “hey, beautiful! Turn around,” ever been charming? Sometimes women have to come up with excuses to lose the creep: “my boyfriend is waiting for me at home.” Why? Some men respect the fact that a woman is “spoken for” more so than the woman, herself.

The next time. So, the next time you’re wondering if a woman is being empowered or sexually oppressed, ask yourself, “who has the power?” The answer is right in front of you.

Women Reveal How They Made Their Sex Lives Better

Keeping your sex life interesting is not easy, forget what anyone tells you.  Sex seems like it should be natural, like you shouldn’t need anyone’s advice on how to keep it exciting and yet, we do. Often it’s that which is expected to come naturally, that can be the hardest to maintain. From writers to sex therapists, we bring you women who reveal how they made their sex lives better.

Would you try and of these methods? Let us know in the comments!

Talk. Talking about sex may be awkward, but it’s also extremely productive. "Suggest that it might be fun to start trying new things in the bedroom. This is an opportunity to talk about some fantasies you might have, things you like that you maybe haven't tried together, like role-playing, sex toys, or more aggressive sex,” says relationship expert Terri Orcbuch.

Make a list. According to Walsh, women crave sexual novelty just as much as men do. How do you encourage novelty, for yourself and for him? Try a sexual bucket list. Maybe you want to see what the other rooms in your house have to offer as far as sex backdrops.

Stop faking. "You should never fake an orgasm,” says Walsh. “That thing he was doing wrong — he’s now going to keep doing it.” Faking an orgasm is like giving bad directions which you wouldn’t do to a stranger so why do it to your lover?

Fight the lazy. The desire to be lazy can be stronger than you think. It’s your job to fight it when it comes to sex. "If you don't put energy into your relationship, you won't get energy out of it,” says Davidson.

Speak! “Give him the info he needs,” says Satlz. He might not be an entirely visual learner, so it’s important to also let him know if he is or isn’t ascending.

Masturbate in front of him. Gail Saltz is the author of "The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead To a Better Life." She says, "Show him what you do when you're alone.” Some men retreat if they feel like they don’t know how to get you off. This is a great stepping stone to future success.

Fit. For other women, the opposite problem is true. Some women can’t quite accommodate their guy’s size. Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of "Pleasuring: The Secrets of Sexual Satisfaction" writes "If you're fully aroused before intercourse, your genitals will be more engorged, giving you a sense of fullness."

Exercise. "When a woman has a negative self-image, she tends to disconnect from how her body feels,” says Joy Davidson, PhD. She recommends doing something that makes you feel good in your own skin, from exercising to a massage.

Check your hormones. If your sex life continues to be a problem, either his or your hormones might be the issue. “If you change your levels of those hormones, you can often increase desire,” says Saltz. Exercise is probably the first way to try and adjust these levels. Medication is also an option.

Guide him. Jennifer Benjamin is a writer for Cosmopolitan with her own twist on the masturbation tip. “Be sure to work in any other go-to moves that help push you over the edge. For extra credit, let him put his hand over yours.”

Deny yourself. It might sound counterintuitive but sometimes the best thing to jump-start your sex life is a lack of sex. "When you're the one doing the touching, concentrate on communicating love and sensuality to your partner," says Berman. "When you're on the receiving end, let yourself feel the sensations of each and every stroke. This will help you reconnect with each other on a whole new level.”

Admire yourself. According to Laura Berman, PhD and author of "The Passion Perception" it’s the way women look at themselves that can be a problem. "They don't see themselves as strong and sexy. Typically, when a woman looks at herself, her eyes go straight to her problem areas. She carries that feeling into the bedroom, and when her partner's kissing her thighs, she's busy thinking, 'God, I'm so fat!’ "

Experiment. If there’s something you want to do in the bedroom but have always been self-conscious, just do it. You need to make that effort if you want anything to change. Experiencing something new and exhilarating together helps replicate that feeling you had in the beginning of your relationship when you couldn't get enough of each other,” says Berman.

Encourage him to try new things. Sex can’t be like your coffee order. It needs to change up. Relationship expert Wendy Walsh, PhD, author of "The 30-Day Love Detox" says “People learn to play each other’s instruments, and then they go to the same two spots. But you become accustomed to that and you can become numb emotionally and physically. Then things just don’t work as well as they did before.”

Too small. Benjamin also has some tips for women whose sex life is faltering because of their man’s size. These tips are purely a matter of execution. "If his equipment lacks length, lie on your back in missionary, and bring one or both of your legs up toward your chest to allow for deeper penetration. Too skinny? Lie on your back or stomach with your legs together — his legs will be outside yours — to create a tighter fit. Too big? Get on top so that you control the depth of penetration.”

Study Shows Women Feel Sexiest At This Age

Women should feel confident at any age, however new research reveals the age that most women feel sexiest might not be what you think. Here, we take a look at the study that reveals just what age that is.

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Study. A study was done among British women that revealed that women felt “sexiest” at the age of 34, reports the Mirror UK.

Comfort. The late 20s and early 30s are usually around the time that women begin to accept themselves more, as the study also showed that women were the most comfortable with their bodies at these ages.

Confidence. Among the 2,000 women who were interviewed, 64 percent of women felt that they were more confident in their 30s than any other age. This was because they were in better relationships, and because they had become more confident over time.

Attractive. Another reason women felt sexier at this age was because they also felt more confident in their skills in the bedroom. Acknowledging that someone thought they were attractive, receiving compliments, and buying new lingerie were also things that made women feel more attractive, reports the Daily Mail UK.

Good. Believe this: It's all mental. Choose to feel good. Some women that participated in the study agreed that while looking physically attractive was a big part of feeling sexy, confidence and being happy with yourself was also a big part of feeling good about yourself.

Results. "It's great to see from the results of our research that so many women feel confident and sexy whatever their age, however it is interesting that 34 is the age we feel at the pinnacle of our sexual confidence,” says a spokeswoman for the study, as reported by the Daily Mail UK.

Compliments. The studied also provided other interesting results, showing that 30 percent of women felt sexiest among their friends, rather than while out with their significant others. However, they felt like they would react more positively receiving compliments from men than from women.

Change. Losing weight and getting a new hair style were also all things that contributed to women feeling more confident about themselves, which comes as no surprise as change typically makes people feel a lot better. Nothing beats progress. We're happiest when we're improving.

Another study. While this study was done more recently, another study was done some years prior that revealed another group of women felt the most attractive at the age of 28, reports Elite Daily.

Attributes. These women were asked what they thought their best attributes were, with 23 percent saying they felt like their eyes were their best attributes, 20 percent said their breasts, and 13 percent said they thought their brains were their best quality.

Campaign. The study was done by Lil-Lets, which was running a campaign called "We Are Women." Its purpose was to help women gain more confidence and to be proud of being female, reports Elite Daily.

On being woman and the uniqueness it brings. "The results demonstrate all the truly positive qualities that come with being a woman and how they can shape her life and the way she feels about herself. It's fantastic to see women are in fact quite happy with the way they look,” said director Clodagh Ward to Elite Daily.

Future. While in this study women felt the sexiest at 28, their confidence was at its highest around the age of 32. Their confidence came from having a long term partner and having a good idea of where their future was headed.

Loss of confidence. The women were also asked what was one of the biggest factors to make them lose their confidence. Unsurprisingly, being broken up with was the biggest reason, while having a hard time at work was second, reports Elite Daily.

Friends. It’s no surprise that women feel the most confidence around their friends. Women are usually good confidence boosters to one another, and relying on men to make them feel good about themselves is always a let down.