By now, you've probably heard about the ways the deck is stacked against women when it comes to orgasming. It can be more complicated for a woman to figure out what works for her (compared to the tragically simple "up-down" motion on a penis that seems to do the trick every time), and women just
aren't having as many orgasms as men in general.
But for all the drawbacks there's one huge upside: the ability to have multiple orgasms in a short window of time.
"The average woman is built to come again and again," says Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, coauthor of
The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. Meaning that once you've mastered that first peak, the climb to the next one is absolutely obtainable. "Women don't require a refractory period like men do, so we're able to stay aroused for longer and
have an orgasm a second and third time with little effort," says Dr. Abrams.
But Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, creator of the
Sexual Pro Series Webinar Videos, explains that just because you can have multiple orgasms, doesn't mean that's better, per se. Although there have been studies that show about 43% of women have experienced multiple orgasms, O'Reilly estimates the percentage of woman who are capable of it is higher. "The capacity to do something, however, does not necessarily make it desirable. Some women are perfectly satisfied with just one orgasm," she says. So no need to go chasing dozens of orgasms if you're happy with your sex life as is.
In her book, The New Sex Bible, Dr. O'Reilly explains there's no hard and fast rule for when or how your multiples might occur, "Some women have several orgasms in a row without reverting to the early stages of sexual arousal and others have a series of less intense orgasms culminating in a more powerful climax," she writes.
But if you're looking for some practical advice on how to harness your innate ability of multiples, look no further.
Be as open-minded as possible
Tune in to your mind-body connection. If you go into a hookup with limited expectations of your orgasm, you'll actually cause your body to limit its pleasure responses. In other words, if you assume you can only come once during intercourse...you will.
The reason why understanding your frame of mind is so important? "After you've gotten there for the first time, rather than switching off mentally and sexually — which is what you do when you assume you've reached the finale — you need to remain expectant and open to further arousal," says Dr. Abrams. "It's all about knowing that your body is fully capable, even built, to experience deeper, longer, and more frequent orgasms."
And, as Dr. O'Reilly points out, "Oftentimes orgasm can be impeded by intrusive thoughts," making it all the more important to relax.
Consider doing some kegels
Strong PC (pubococcygeus) muscles have been demonstrated to be a crucial component to having multiples, says Beverly Whipple, PhD, coauthor of The G Spot: And Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. (Kegel muscles — which surround the vaginal canal — are the ones that enable you to withhold urine.)
"Since your orgasm is essentially an intense contraction of your PC and pelvic floor muscles, strengthening them increases blood flow to the area and enables you to experience a deeper pleasure sensation and a repeated series of pulses," says Laura Berman, PhD, author of The Passion Prescription.
By now, you know the Kegels drill: Flex the muscles until you feel them tighten. Release. Tighten again. Ta da.
Don't skimp on the foreplay
If you want to have an orgasm, let alone multiples, oral sex is key. "For most women, clitoral stimulation from oral sex is the easiest way for them to climax," says Dr. Abrams. "And having your guy help you get there before intercourse means that your body will be geared up to come again and respond to the added vaginal stimulation during sex, rather than still struggling to orgasm for the first time."
And even if you don't come during foreplay, don't fast-track the fun stuff. "If you're aroused slowly, then you'll stay aroused for longer, and unlike manual stimulation, his tongue is flexible, soft and strong — the perfect tool for making that happen," says Dr. Abrams.
Ask him to caress your vagina with his tongue for a minute or so before pulling away for a few seconds. Then, have him dive right back in. "Oral teasing techniques prime the body to expect that after each peak of sensation, another one is coming," says Dr. Abrams. "And it remembers that lesson when you orgasm — after one, it'll stay in that prepped state for more stimulation, putting you on the track to come again."
Try a timeout
Once you come for the first time, you're probably in the habit of pulling away from your partner because you're so sensitive to their touch. And rightly so: "After an orgasm, a lot of nerve pathways have been stimulated, and there's been a tremendous surge in blood flow," says Whipple. "So it's completely natural for some women to want to take a break from stimulation in those moments immediately following."
But this may not be true for all women. Dr. O'Reilly explains in the New Sex Bible that although some women may want to avoid direct clitoral simulation right after an orgasm, "Some women say that if your push through and embrace the seemingly unbearable overstimulation, your pleasure will build back up quickly resulting in a subsequent orgasm."
To see if this sex session is on track for multiple orgasms, here's a rule of thumb: If you fall into a stupefied pleasure coma, you're done. If you resume touching an area that is not hypersensitive, you bring it on.
Remember, whether you take a break or not, you don't want to entirely put the kibosh on intimate contact. Otherwise, you'll have to work that much harder to get to a heightened state of arousal. So keep up the caressing until you feel that hypersensitivity draining away and everything starts feeling incredible again.
Pick your position carefully
You'll want a position like doggy-style or you on top that allows your clit room to be stimulated (either by you or him).
A good trick is to come initially from clitoral stroking. But then, once that area becomes supersensitive, move on to internal stimulation. Now that you're there, the best positions to milk this feel-good sensation are reverse cowgirl and doggie-style, which are good bets because they tend to stroke that area naturally.
And make sure you're working in sensation to other parts of your body, like your breasts. As for why this combo works like a charm, according to Dr. Abrams, the more areas you engage while also getting internal stimulation, the better. "One study found that women are more likely to have additional orgasms if they are stimulating several body parts at the same time," she says. "Your body never quite knows exactly what to expect next and is more likely to respond." Over and over again.
And even if you don't have multiple orgasms, Dr. O'Reilly has one last bit of advice from her book: "When you reach orgasm, breathe as slowly and deeply as possible while contracting your PC muscle. Some women report that this technique makes the orgasmic sensations last longer." Hey, one long one is just as good as two.
When you first become sexually active, it can be hard to tell if you're orgasming. Simply put, an orgasm is an intensely pleasurable physical response that results from the release of tension built up during sexual stimulation. There are some physical signals that can clue you in if you're on your way too. When you're aroused, your heart beats faster, your breathing quickens, your nipples become erect, and your genitals become engorged with blood. As arousal climbs, these sensations increase until you orgasm.
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