10 Golden Rules to Keep Your Sex Life Steamy

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It’s easy to say there are “golden rules” to keep your sex life going strong, but the truth is—it actually is that simple. Who knew?

If you keep track of your relationship and make a conscious effort to keep things smokin’, you’ll have an advantage. Couples who give weight to their sex lives have better relationships and marriages.

There are few guidelines to follow that will help you maintain a HOT AF sex life for the rest of your lives. After all, if it’s “death do us part” it better be a wild ride, right?

Here are the 10 golden rules to keep your sex life steamy.

1. Pause for a makeout sesh

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married five minutes or 15 years, never ever stop making out. We’re not just talking about a goodbye kiss or a peck here and there. Stop on the street corner and have a full blown make out session. Get a little hot and heavy, PG13 in the laundry room. Making out helps keep that romance factor alive. It reminds your partner how much you love them.

Who cares what people think? You’re in love. That’s pretty magical.

2. Foreplay is always play

Foreplay should really be called “always-play.” It’s not optional and should have a regular part in your sex routine, not just a cameo on special occasions. If your vagina is not properly lubricated and your vulva isn’t properly aroused, sex is not going to be as fun. It might even hurt.

When you start associating sex with dissatisfaction, you’re not going to want to have it as often. Bad sign.

3. Stay on a sex routine

Life gets busy. This is just a fact. Don’t let sex take a back seat just because you have a million things to do. If you’ve noticed you’re not having as much sex, set up a schedule. Maintenance sex is important for people in LTRs.

It keeps you and your partner feeling close. In the words of Nike, “Just do it.”

4. Masturbate for all time

Despite what you may have heard, masturbation does have a place in long-term relationships. When you engage in self-love, you keep your nerve endings peaked, making you more likely to want partnered sex. We know, a little counterintuitive, but seriously, it works.

You can also try mutual masturbation. It’s as easy as it sounds—you and your partner lie next to each other and get yourselves off. It’s hot to watch your partner touch themselves and when you’re too tired for full blown sex, it’s a good alternative.

5. Devote yourself to the clitoris

The clitoris is queen. You must live and die by the clitoris. One in three women cannot have an orgasm through P in the V sex alone so, the clit needs special attention. There are lots of ways to involve the clitoris in sex, whether it be with fingers, tongue or a toy.

6. Check in with your partner

Communication is the foundation of healthy relationships and a good sex life. Ask your partner how they’re feeling about your sex life. Is there anything you can do to make things better for them? Something you can try?

Likewise, voice your desires and concerns. Staying silent will only cause strain. Make sure everyone is getting what they want out of your romps in the sack.

7. Sext two to three times per week

Sexting is not just for the early stages of dating. Sexting is virtual foreplay that keeps couples engaged. It’s 2018, time to get with the times!

8. Feel each other up outside of the bedroom

Touch your partner. Every couple has their own style. Is your partner alright with an ass-grab in the kitchen? Go for it. Slip your hand around your partner’s waist while walking down the street. Place a palm on his or her chest at a party. Run a hand up their thigh in a movie theatre.

Often small physical acts of intimacy build sexual tension even better than dirty talk—which you can make manifest in the bedroom later. Either way, touch is still important.

9. Try something new (and maybe a little weird)

Don’t be afraid to change up the routine. Have you always wanted to give role play a go? Make it happen. Been interested in handcuffs and spanking? Give it a whirl.

In long-term relationships, sex can get stale if you don’t maintain eroticism. Despite what movies may lead you to believe about finding “The One” or what your mother told you about “sex losing its importance,” sorry mom, sex definitely does not lose its importance. Be a champ and try new things into your nineties.

10. Remind your partner how sexy they are

Now, no matter how stressed out you are with life, your partner, your job, or your kids—don’t forget to remind the man or woman you love that they are SEXY as HELL.

It may seem frivolous, but it is not. And it takes, like, five seconds to tell someone they’re hot in those pants. If your partner feels desirable, they are going to be more receptive to sex. Getting an ego boost is something we all need. Plus, it builds trust and love between you.

7 Sex Moves to Up the Ante on Your Wedding Night

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Who says your wedding night can't be a night of sexual adventure? You're riding on endorphins; it's a great opportunity to try some new and exciting things (or at least things you know will deliver orgasms)...as long as you take a few small precautions!

It doesn't matter if you're sticking to your usual moves or looking to get down with some BDSM, there are small things you can do to up the ante on your sexy wedding night—aka sex moves you can try to ensure the best sex possible.

Here are some tips to get you from your reception to your most intense orgasms.

1. Take it easy with the booze.

Having champagne on your wedding day is totally expected, but if you're planning to get it on later (and get off), you'd be better off sticking to one or two drinks.

"It's really easy to have a glass of champagne or six during the course of a six-hour wedding," says relationship expert April Masini, but too much alcohol will do more than give you a buzz; it can inhibit your ability to have good sex. "At worst, one or both of you will have quickly fallen asleep because of the fatigue induced by drinking too much," Masini warns.

Alcohol can desensitize your clitoris and cause a rift between your desire to have sex and your ability to get super turned on, physically. "If you make a game plan to limit your alcohol intake, you'll have a better chance of having sex," Masini says.

2. Buy some fun accessories.

Have you MOH take care of getting the honeymoon suite ready with a few trinkets. Your wedding night doesn't have to be some vanilla sex experience if you're looking to be adventurous.

When you've been entrenched in the traditional all day long (let's face it, weddings are pretty predicable), your wedding night might be a good opportunity to try something out of the ordinary. We recommend keeping it simple. Get some Velcro handcuffs, a silk blindfold, and a couple's vibrator. Getting a little kinky after a day spent with your relatives might be just the ticket.

3. Wait for the sunrise if you're too tired.

There's nothing wrong with skipping wedding night sex if you're too tired. There will be plenty of other opportunities. Instead of feeling guilty, get down and dirty when the sun comes up.

"Exhaustion is part of every wedding night," says Masini. "The planning was epic and the wedding was long and wonderful, but you're not machines. You're human. And you're tired. Go to sleep married, wake up and have morning sex to celebrate the union. Being creative with traditions will serve you well over the course of your marriage."

Have a little playtime, order some French toast from room service, and then do it again!

4. Wear lingerie that makes YOU feel sexy.

Pick some wedding night lingerie that turns you on. Instead of trusting your bridesmaids to grab you some cheesy crotchless panties and a teddy, go and pick something that makes you feel really good about yourself.

If you have an outfit waiting for you that you know will make you look and feel amazing, you'll be itching to get back to the room to get it on. Be sure to send a foreplay photo to your fiancé the morning before the ceremony. It will give him or her something to think about during the wedding craziness.

5. Whisper something dirty in your partner's ear.

Speaking of giving your partner something to think about, take any opportunity to can to whisper dirty things to your partner. Lean in during your couple's photoshoot or kiss your partner sweetly during the reception and then tell them, "I'm going to do very bad things to you when we're alone."

It's a secret that only you and your partner get to share. You're going to be smiling, taking photos, and looking like a blissful wedded couple all day long. It's pretty sexy to add in such a raunchy dichotomy.

6. Join the Mile High Club.

If you're going on a destination honeymoon, it's a great opportunity to join the Mile High Club. Trying something adventurous and kinky is an excellent way to kick off the rest of your lives together. We all know the last thing you want to do after becoming forever wedded is wait to have mind-blowing sex.

7. Don't forget the lube.

If you remember one thing on your wedding night, remember the lube. Lube makes everything better. After a night of cocktails, you may have trouble getting as wet as you'd like. Never go anywhere without lube.

When it comes to lube, the more the better. Use it always. We love Sustain Natural, as it's free of petrochemicals and glycerine.

Should You Stop Having Sex Before the Wedding Night?

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Have you considered putting the breaks on sex for the weeks leading up to your wedding? This popular, self-imposed celibacy has been a wedding day preparation tip since what feels like the dawn of time.

We had to ask: Why? Why take sex off the table? Will it really increase desire? Is it worth the wait?

Wedding night sex is something we all think about. It is a once-in-a-lifetime (maybe, probably, hopefully) experience. We want it to be special. This is probably where the advice to wait came from: The idea that if we hold off on sex, we'll want it more.

While there is certainly some merit to this argument, this adds a host of other pressures and anxieties to the days and weeks leading to your nuptials. Is holding off on sex before your wedding day a good idea or is a bust? Let's discuss.

There is increased pressure to perform

The glaring red flag in this advice to be celibate is that it increases the pressure to perform because so many people believe that wedding night sex should be "perfect." If you take sex off the table, you're not just building up happy, excited nerves; you're building up scary, anxious nerves. Even if you've been having sex with your partner for years on end, there is a risk of performance anxiety if you add on cinder blocks of expectation.

"Performance anxiety—about erections and orgasms—can affect both men and women, making them so anxiety-ridden that they cannot feel pleasure from sex," warns Dr. Patti Britton, master sex coach at Sex Coach U.

Don't let it get to you. "I always coach couples to take themselves off the pressure-cooker burner. Relax. Stop expectations for perfection, even in bed, and find joy, fun, and humor if things don't work well the first time," Britton says. If taking sex off the table is going to make you a jumbled mess, don't do it. There is no need to go off sex with someone you love just because you want to make sex hotter. That's silly. There is no need.

No sex means more stress

You know what is super stressful? Planning a wedding. You know what is extra, super stressful? Planning a wedding while you're not getting laid.

Sex is a stress reliever. It releases the feel-good chemicals in the brain. Orgasms bring down cortisol levels, the body's natural stress hormone. It is one of the healthiest things we can do for our bodies. Depriving yourself of pleasure may not be in your best interest.

Additionally, there is tension between partners when planning a wedding. It's inevitable. If you remove sex from your life, the small disagreements and arguments will only feel more painful. Sex increases bonding between couples. It instills a sense of closeness in a way you can't have without making love. If you stop having sex, you're taking away that crucial time to connect.

On the plus side, can refraining from sex increase desire and anticipation?

There are a few benefits to staving off sex. "Couples may find that their self-imposed 'dry spell' helps increase their desire for their partner, and may encourage them to really want sex on their wedding night," says Debra Herbenick, associate professor at Indiana University and author of The Coregasm Workout. "So, the primary advantage is to increase arousal."

While we're all about you being as relaxed and ready as possible before the big day (whatever that entails) if we're being honest, wedding night sex is kind of overrated. Don't get us wrong, it's fun and exciting. You're married now. That's great! But the sex doesn't need to be this ridiculously overhyped fairy tale. Being relaxed before your wedding day feels far more important. If having sex makes you less stressed, have sex. If it feels like a burden and the last thing you want to do is get down and dirty, you don't have to do it.

But, might we suggest oral sex over intercourse? If your partner takes time to serve you while you breathe into your body, you may find sex in the weeks leading up to the wedding are just what the doctor ordered.

It's about what you want

In the end, it is entirely up to you. There are good and bad things about putting sex on the back-burner. It's really about what works in your relationship and if you and your partner want to wait for the big day.

"This really should be a mutual discussion and decision—nothing that someone puts on their partner, without their partner's buy-in," says Herbenick. "If a woman wants to try this, I'd encourage her to let her fiancé know why this is important to her. Maybe she wants to reconnect in a special way on their wedding night. Maybe she wants to really increase their desire and arousal and have an unforgettable night."

Have an honest conversation with your fiancé. He or she may have strong feelings either way. It's a choice that the two of you should make together. Just remember, it really isn't a big deal. It's sex, not the Olympic games.