How Sex Changes When You Get Sober

Substance abuse is a very prominent and real issue that many people have found themselves struggling with. Being an addict affects all aspects of a person’s life, as well as the lives of that person’s surrounding friends and families. Most recovering addicts know that overcoming addiction isn’t easy, but once they do, their entire life changes and they come to realize that doing things sober can be a difficult adjustment to make. Here, women who participated in a study of recovering addicts answered questions about their sex lives, and how being intimate when you’re sober turned out to be a bigger challenge than they ever expected.

Study. Sex. It's on the tip of everyone's tongues. The first thing on many people's minds. But how does sex get impacted by addiction? A study was done and published in a journal called Sexualities that focused on sex and how it changed for women that had previously been addicted to drugs after they got clean and sober.

Participants. The 16 women used in the study were all former drug users ranging between the ages of 26 to 55. Researchers noticed how while sober, the women weren’t as confident about themselves and tended to have an overall negative experience during and after sex, giving them low self-esteem overall.

Challenge. "For the women in our study, the transition from the subcultural drug context into a life without drugs presents a real challenge, especially in managing to decipher the rules and expectations in sexual matters. Basically, this includes everything from flirting to post-coital behavior. Being unaccustomed to managing the different codes in sexually charged situations can create confusion and insecurity and ultimately threaten the individual's sexual confidence and self-esteem,” said the researchers, as reported by Broadly.

Sober. Each woman in the study said they’d used heroin or amphetamines most of the time that they had sex. However at the time of the interview, they were already sober. According to Broadly, each woman described their sex lives before and after drugs to the researchers once they were interviewed, and the researchers took note how being sober had affected each woman’s sex life.

Sex lives. ”Their stories also seemed to indicate a shift over time. What was initially regarded as a positive and sometimes adventurous and unbounded broadening of one's sexual repertoire gradually transformed into something repetitive, diminishing and mechanical,” wrote the researchers, as reported by Broadly.

Confidence. Given the fact that they were on drugs, the women enjoyed sex more while on drugs due to the fact that they had more confidence and less worries about themselves or their bodies. But without the drugs, the women weren’t as relaxed and weren’t able to enjoy sex.

Terrified. The women also felt a sense of shame over things they’d done in the past, which didn’t help in boosting their confidence. One woman in the study named Signe even said how she noted that while she was on drugs, seex was spectacular, but now that she was sober, she was completely “terrified” of sex.

Experiences. Other women also had past negative experiences while still on drugs that they correlated with their sex lives, which also tended to hinder their ability to have sex. Because of this, some of the women said they had chosen to stop having sex all together.

view of men. I do know that all men aren't the same as those I've been involved with. There is an abundance of nice men, but I'm not drawn to them . . . the betrayals linger on somehow. I'm scared of letting go of control,” said one woman named Ulla, as reported by Broadly.

Solution. Other women decided that instead of giving up sex, they would find a different solution to coping with their sex lives. Some women chose to stay away from men they knew could potentially bring them back to their old ways, while other women chose to be with men who also had a history of drug abuse and could relate to them better.

Relief. "I don't think I've ever been without sex for as long as I have now. And it's such a relief not to have to do it! It is pretty much an unspoken rule that we should wait with it, we'll deal with it further along the way,” said one of the participants, as reported by Broadly.

Research. This research is one of the very few studies that have been done despite the fact that sex is usually a huge part of an addict’s life. However in order to help these women cope with their insecurities, they suggested their participants take some time to evaluate and examine their past sex lives in order to be better at peace with themselves and move on.

Knowledge. "Despite the strong connection between drugs and sexuality, there is a gap of knowledge when it comes to the role and meaning of sexuality during this process,” said researcher Anette Skårner, as reported by Broadly.

Help. Skårner hopes that from this study, people will see the importance of investigating further into the sex lives of addicts aside from the huge need of getting these women the help they need to cope and move on.

You. Did you find this study to be interesting? Did you know former addicts were struggling with something like this? Share your opinions with us!