Your Aggressive Sexual Fantasies And The Safest Ways To Enjoy Them

Believe it or not, a large amount of men and women have a fantasy that involves rape or aggressive sexual dominance fantasies. The problem is that many people might want to actually experience their fantasy acted out in one sense or another. Rape play, by nature alone, is very difficult to keep safe, sane, and consensual. If you want to actually move forward with your rape fantasy, you need to take special precautions in order to ensure that nothing bad happens to you or your partner. You need to ensure that no one gets hurt, no one breaks any laws, and that the boundaries are strict and understood prior. Here’s what sexperts suggest for fetishists that want to carry out their rape fantasy in a safe, smart, consensual way.Do you have fantasies like this? Let us know in the comments section below.

First, You Need To Find Someone Who Is Willing To Do It With You. Even if it’s rape fantasy, you still need to keep things consensual. Otherwise, it’s not rape fantasy - it’s actual rape and can cause serious lasting damage to someone.

Where Do You Meet Your “Rapist?” The best way to find someone who will engage with you and be on the same page with you is to check out kink groups in your area. If you’re not aware of a local group, you might also want to check out sites like Fetlife or CollarMe.

Keep An Eye Out For Red Flags. Because of the nature of this kind of kink, you really have to be careful when it comes to choosing a partner. If you get bad vibes from them, or if someone warns you about them, pay heed and choose someone else.

If You Want To Talk To Your Partner About It, Keep An Eye Out For The Possibility Of Having Been Assaulted. If you want to “rape” your partner, it may be a trigger moment for them. It’s best not to broach this subject if your partner has been sexually assaulted in the past. That being said, if you already have a lot of aggressive, kinky sex, discussing this fantasy may be easier.

Don’t Choose A Total Stranger For This. Anyone with any sense could tell you why this is a bad idea. You need to talk things out, at the very least.

You’re Going To Need To Talk About Things… You need to establish a safe word in case things get too crazy. The best safe word is something that will never be uttered in a normal sex session - such as “banana” or “Mickey Mouse.”

Explain Your Hard Limits. This is a good time to explain things that you do not want to have happen, regardless of how intense it gets. Things such as being beaten, choked out, or having a knife pulled on you might be things you need to discuss with your partner before you act things out.

Talk Birth Control. You may need to discuss whether or not condoms will be allowed. Most rapes do not involve birth control, so you might have to bend reality.

Find A Place Where It’s Okay To Play. While you might want to try to act out a fantasy in a bar, having someone pretend to slip things in your drink could potentially get your kink partner beaten, arrested, or even banned from the bar.

However, There Is A Caveat Here. If you’re friends with the bartender you may be able to arrange something. Similarly, if you explain things ahead of time you’ll be able to have it be more acceptable.

Some Bad Locations To Avoid… Doing this kind of play in public is a very bad idea, primarily because it can lead to an arrest. If you’re going to have it done in your house, you want to avoid giving your neighbors reason to be concerned. After all, there’s no guarantee that they might not want to try to call the cops.

Good Locations To Try Include… It’s often a good idea to have the play session happen in your house or at your office after hours.

Then Try To Come Up With A Good Time. You don’t have to give a full “appointment” vibe to it. Just talk about the general time that it may happen.

After Your Session, Follow Up With After Care. You need to comfort your partner and take care of the emotional or physical after effects of your session. Talk about how you feel, how things went, and if it’s something you want to try again. Hug each other. Cuddle. Just show that you care for one another!

Repeat? If you like it, there’s no harm in making it a regular thing - as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual. Knowing when the fantasy went too far and when to report something is key as well. Boundaries are crucial.

How To Give Your Man The Perfect Sex Toy

When they're not bragging around their bros, men can be finicky when it comes to opening them up about their sex lives. They may talk a big game, but trying to understand what they genuinely want in the bedroom can be borderline impossible sometimes. Some men are just traditionally less expressive when it comes to opening up. So when you're trying to find the perfect sex toy for your man, this task that ought to be a simple one ends up turning into more of an expedition. Don't be surprised if you end up feeling hopeless on your search. Still, however, just because you  hopeless. Keep reading to find out how to give your man the perfect sex toy.

Breaking men down. Men are anomalies. You think you have them figured out, and then they essentially change the rules on you. When it comes to sex, especially, their “pressure points” might seem obvious enough, but you’d be surprised how specific they all really are.

Playtime. Sex is one thing, but sex toys may as well be an entirely different species altogether. Though most guys would be thrilled to have an extra somethin’ somethin’ to get their buttons pushed, very few of them are going to tell you so. Integrating toys into the bedroom is going to be something of a challenge…

From guy to guy. Every man is different. This is obvious enough. But it’s especially true when it comes to what turns them on. Everybody knows there’s more than one way to skin a cat. But did you know there’s more than one way to pleasure a d*ck?

Know your man. If your guy isn’t down to open up about what kind of toys he’s willing to experiment with, you’ll just have to read in between the lines. If he’s given even the slightest indication that he wants you to play with his hole (we’re talking butts here), ease him in with a dildo.

Butt action. A straight guy imagining a penis-shaped object thrusting into his anus is going to put him on edge. Most guys will just assume that it’s “gay” and will refuse it completely. The fact of the matter is, enjoying anal play doesn’t make a guy gay. Being attracted to another man will make him gay (or at least leaning in that direction on the Kinsey scale). Butt play just feels good.

The mental block. Once you’ve gotten your man around the idea of at least trying anal play out, you’re good to go. But even this far along, you’ll need to ease him through it. Luckily for the both of you, sex toy manufacturers keep the shy guy in mind, designing male-oriented dildos that are meant to cause anything but shock upon first glance.

Sizes aplenty. Even if your guy secretly wants a giant dildo so far up his a** that he’d need a full bottle of lube to satisfy the extent of his anal desires, he’s not going to tell you that. That’s why butt plugs are handy. They’re small, unintimidating and pocket-sized, so there’s really nothing for him to freak out over.

Put a ring on it. The safest bet you’ve probably got for sex toys is a c*ck ring. Not only is it easy to use and probably the furthest thing from embarrassing him, it’s pleasurable for the both of you. So if he’s not acting like he’s excited to use it (even though he’ll love it once he actually does), tell him that it’s more for you than it is for him.

Follow the (flesh) light. When it comes to turning a guy on, as long as he has a hole to stick his penis into, he’ll be happy. It might seem sad, but it’s true. This is exactly why the fleshlight is a genius design. It’s easy to use, it’s got a hole, and it’ll make him feel great.

Fleshlights galore. When you imagine a fleshlight (it looks just like a flashlight, but it’s got an artificial vagina at the tip instead of a light), you might assume that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. This isn’t true. What is true, however, is that once you know your guy well enough, you’ll know exactly what design will be perfect for him.

Hole-in-(more than) one. Fleshlights can look as different as real vaginas look. Some are more detailed, some are as basic as you can imagine. Depending on your man’s taste, there’s a fleshlight out there that’ll be perfect for him.

His P-spot. No, we’re not talking about his penis. We’re talking about his prostate. If your guy is looking for an extra something, but isn’t totally down for a straight up dildo, prostate massagers may be the way to go. They’re low-key. They vibrate. They’re just enough to give his orgasm an extra kick, without him feeling too emasculated.

Extra Oomph. Not every guy is exactly packing much weight below the belt, and that’s OK. Every body’s different. But in the event that he wants to bring something extra into the bedroom, there’s a penis extension. Maybe don’t thrust this onto him without him bringing it up first, though…

One sleeve fits all. If you want to add something to the bedroom without making him feel like he’s not offering enough as it is, you might be able to sell him on the idea of a pleasure sleeve. It’s a silicon sleeve that goes over his erection that stimulates both him and you.

Easing. When it comes to bringing toys into the bedroom, there’s no need to hurry. If buying one on your own and revealing it to him in the moment is something you know your man isn’t going to go for, then communicate. Talk it out. Go shopping at a sex store together (either online or at a physical store). When it comes to sex, shyness should be the last thing on the table.

I Suffer From Sexual Anorexia

There are certain mental illnesses that some people might not be aware of, sexual anorexia being one of them. It consists of the sufferer compulsively avoiding sex and intimacy at all costs. It might sounds a little odd, but comparing it to the eating disorder of the same name, it makes a lot of sense how it could happen in the sexual realm. Here, one woman writes about her experience dealing with sexual anorexia, and how it has impacted her life significantly.

Intimacy. Liz Jackson writes via Good Housekeeping about how a bad relationship shattered her perception of intimacy and ruined her chances at a healthy relationship. This was the start of her developing this form of sexual mental illness, changing her life.

Disease. Not long after her bad experience, she was diagnosed with sexual anorexia, a condition that has resulted from the fear and anxiety she gets when anyone tried to get intimate with her. It's clear that it stemmed from this previous, hurtful relationship.

Term. ”I can't remember where I first heard the term 'sexual anorexia,' but I do remember exactly how I felt: simultaneously ill and relieved,” writes Jackson. She explains that like anorexia, sufferers of the condition “starve themselves of intimacy."

Motives. Jackson writes that she was never a relationship person, so when she got into a relationship with her ex, James, she initially doubted his motives. Even though he tried his best to convince her that his interest in her was genuine, she never believed it.

Game. "I thought of it as some game or prank where he'd eventually end up pointing and laughing at me for thinking that I was worthy of love and affection,” writes Jackson. Unfortunately, James would prove her right and once she finally started telling herself that James did actually like her, he stopped all contact with her.

Second chance. Some years later, James came back into her life, begging for a second chance. Despite knowing better, she took him back. Things were good for a few months, until he dropped a major bomb on her— he had been seeing someone the entire time they were together.

Disappointment. "Once he made his little announcement, I grabbed my coat and ran out the door, down four flights of stairs and into a taxi,” writes Jackson. He attempted to get back in touch with her right away, but it didn't work this time. What hurt the most however, was her own disappointment in herself for taking him back.

Hospital. After the incident, Jackson’s anxiety got so bad that she ended up going to the hospital, to make sure her heart wasn’t in danger. Doctors reassured her that she was healthy, but she was still upset that she was having constant panic attacks all because of a man.

Recluse. She had discontinued her dating life and was even cutting back on socializing, too. "I have had years of therapy for my sexual anorexia, but even that has presented a problem,” writes Jackson, who can barely talk about her condition without freezing up.

Therapy. Jackson turned to therapy, where her therapist would try to get her to understand what it is about being intimate with someone that causes her to panic so much, and tries to get her to figure out what triggers her. She's dealing with her sexual anorexia the bast she can.

Triggers. "She has asked if I wanted to talk about James, or any of my other previous relationships to pinpoint my triggers," she says. Unfortunately, she always turns her down because it makes her feel sad, "and I don't want to leave therapy feeling worse than when I arrived,” writes Jackson.

No breakthroughs. Her therapy hasn’t exactly provided Jackson with any breakthroughs however. Although she does admit she does miss being close with another person. Her attempts at dating always result in the same thing— panic and anxiety.

Fraud. She says that her life is a bit ironic, because her career involves a lot about sexual health and empowerment for women. She writes, talks and teaches about the subject, but she feels like a fraud — "no amount of knowledge can erase the fact that sex is something I am no longer able to engage in,” writes Jackson, who thinks that talking about sex so often at her job might make matters worse for her.

Opening up. Most recently, Jackson has opened up to a friend about her condition, and much to her surprise, this person admitted that they too had suffered from the same condition, only to overcome it some years later. She was too afraid to talk about it, but one of the first people she talked to about it turned out to be the best person to talk to.

Hope. Now, Jackson is optimistic that perhaps she might be cured one day. Speaking with her new friend, she felt relief and hope. This friend is in a long-term relationship, after years of dealing with sexual anorexia. "Knowing that she started out feeling like me and eventually worked through it makes me cautiously optimistic,” writes Jackson, via Good Housekeeping.

What It Doesn’t Mean To Be Bisexual

When it comes to sexuality, people don't necessarily have to choose sides. They can if they'd like. If they're gay, they can call themselves gay. If they're straight, they can call themselves straight. But when it comes to someone who's bisexual, not everyone is completely sure where they stand. There are plenty of misconceptions about bisexuality, and it can be a bit frustrating to people who happen to be bisexual. So, it's time clear some things up and set things straight — so to speak.  Keep reading to find out what it  mean to be bisexual.

Misconceptions. There are plenty of misconceptions about bisexuality. In the whole spectrum of the LGBT community, bisexual people may, believe it or not, have it the toughest. Mainly because there is so much confusion surrounding this orientation.

First and foremost. One of the most frustrating issues surrounding bisexuality, is that a lot of people kind of assume they’re just confused. They think that because they consider themselves “in the middle,” bisexuals just don’t really know what they want.

The fence. Bisexuals are not on the fence. They’re not dipping their toes into the male and female crowds just because they’re not sure which one they want to pick yet. They’re bisexual because they’re attracted to both sexes. It’s really that simple.

Cheaters. If you’re bisexual, you’re not more likely to cheat — no matter what the general public might think. There is an idea that because you’re interested in both sexes that you’re more sexually promiscuous and far more likely to be unfaithful. This is, as your grandmother may have once said before, hogwash.

Settling. Just because someone is bisexual doesn’t mean they can’t settle down with one gender. They’re interested in both genders, but it doesn’t mean they spend the rest of their lives not being able to make up their mind. Their relationships are like anyone else’s. When they commit, they commit.

Attraction. In terms of attraction being 50/50, that’s not entirely true. Attraction isn’t necessarily split down the middle; there is an absolute unevenness, and that’s what makes bisexuality so unique. In a sense, everyone sort of teeters on attraction between genders (whether they admit it or not), but with bisexuality, it’s a bit more concrete.

Sluts. Bisexual people are not sluts. They can be, in the same way that anyone can be anything, regardless of their sexual orientation, but by definition, bisexual people are not sluts. That’s a crude misjudgment.

Gimmicks. Bisexuality isn’t a gimmick. Someone who is bisexual isn’t the way they are to draw attention to themselves or to even look more seductive. Bisexuals aren’t salespeople — except for those who are, but even legit bisexual salespeople aren’t trying to sell you on their sexuality.

Cop-out. People don’t become bisexual because they’ve just given up on trying to settle. They’re not trying to reap the rewards and heighten their chances of getting laid. It doesn’t work like that. They are bisexual. That’s all. They’re just bisexual.

Threesomes. You’re bisexual, so you must love threesomes, right? Best of both worlds, right? Wrong. You aren’t any more sexually active than anyone else, just because you’re bisexual. If you enjoy threesomes, great. But it’s not because you’re bi.

Luring. Especially when it comes to the female crowd, straight women don’t call themselves bi to attract men. They don’t do it because they want to stand out and seem sexier than the other girls in the room. That is so grade-A bullsh*t.

Balancing act. To be bisexual, one is not required to experiment sexually with both sexes to know for sure. There’s no quota that they need to meet. They’re bisexual. There aren’t really any rules involved.

Double up. If a bisexual wants to be a polyamorous relationship, then good for them. But it’s not a requirement. Being bi doesn’t mean you need to be in a relationship with more than one person, nor is it even something that is typical with a bisexual person. There’s no direct correlation.

Attraction. Bisexual people aren’t attracted to everyone. That’s not how it works, people. They may be attracted to both sexes, but it doesn’t mean they’re attracted to every single person alive. That’s not… that’s not bisexuality.

One. A bisexual person can only have dated someone from one sex without it making them either gay or straight. If they’re bi, they’re bi. They can still be attracted to other people and still have only ever been with one gender.