Reasons Why Your Orgasm Is Not Your Partner’s Responsibility

In mainstream culture, most people assume that your sex partner is the one who’s responsible for your pleasure. It’s something that is told to us, day in, day out. And, it’s a half-truth that needs to be clarified. While it is important that your partner makes an effort in bed, the truth is that we’re putting an undue burden on ourselves and our partners if we don’t communicate what we want. Expecting them to be psychic is just not cool - and that means we do need to take a role in our climaxing. Here’s why we need to stop thinking it’s our partner’s responsibility to give orgasms - and why we need to focus on enjoying it regardless.

Some People Can’t Orgasm…And that’s not always their partner’s fault. About 10% of people have serious difficulty actually reaching a climax regardless of who’s doing what. If you’re putting the onus on your partner, your partner will end up feeling inadequate, and that ends up harming your relationship on a whole level.

Orgasms Don’t Always Happen 100% Of The Time, Even Among People Who Can Climax. And that is okay, people! Really. Even the most sexually advanced people out there don’t have an orgasm every single time they have sex. It’s more about enjoying the ride than actually reaching climax.

Sometimes, Our Partners Don’t Give Us Information We Would Need To Help Them Orgasm. Some people just aren’t confident enough to tell us what they want. This can make it very hard for anyone to figure out their needs, fantasies, or kinks. Without knowing what your partner wants, it’s not fair to you to be expected to make him climax. There’s only so much you can do, after all.

If You Want To Have An Orgasm, You Should Be Expected To Take The Reins. No one knows your body and your mind better than you do. In other words, you will end up being the best purveyor of orgasms for you - and you can help your partner make you climax by taking charge of the situation.

No Two People Are Alike, So It’s Not Even Reasonable To Expect Them To Know What To Do. Think about it. We all like different things and crave different things. How one sensation feels to one person may feel completely different to another. If you’re brand new to this partner, they don’t know what your equipment is like. You can’t place responsibility on someone to do something with equipment they don’t know how to operate!

In Many Cases, The Reason We Don’t Climax Is All In Our Heads. Things like stress, fear, and anxiety can really impact our ability to get into the mood. if you’re fretting up a storm or feeling cranky, you’re probably not going to be able to climax regardless of what your partner tries to do. Don’t blame your partner if you can’t get into the mood. It’s not fair to them, nor is it being fair to you.

That So-Called Responsibility Goes Both Ways. So, are you okay with feeling responsible for your partner’s orgasm? If they don’t pop, would you blame yourself and feel like you wouldn’t want to have sex with them again? Probably, you’d feel a bit bad. Instead of holding yourself to this high, Lothario-like expectation level, why not just be mellow about it? Going in with no expectations may be a good idea for both of you.

In Many Cases, The More Often You Enjoy Yourself, The More Your Partner Enjoys Himself. This means that, in many cases, the best way to pleasure your partner is to enjoy yourself with him. Show him that he turns you on, and he will be much more likely to have an orgasm. Meanwhile, if you work at pleasing yourself and put yourself in charge of making yourself climax, you’ll also be better able to orgasm, too.

Not Working On Your Own Orgasm Kinda Makes You A Lazy Lover. Seriously, why should your partner do all the work to make you cum? Don’t you think that’s a bit selfish, in a way? Depending on how long it takes you to climax, you could be asking your partner for a lot of work - and they may not even enjoy doing some of it. Stop being lazy and start getting a bit more active in bed. Your lover will thank you.

A Little Communication Goes A Long Way. If you can’t communicate well about sex, chances are that your other communications aren’t doing too well either. If you want to make your partnership work, it’s time to speak up a little. Otherwise, you two may not be compatible in bed or outside on the streets.

If You Really Think About It, No One “Gives” Another Person An Orgasm. It’s not a present. It doesn’t come wrapped up in a bow. An orgasm is something our own bodies do when they reach a certain level of sexual arousal, and if you’re practiced in it, you can even reach orgasm by thinking alone. Just like comedians can tell us jokes but not make us laugh, people can arouse us but they alone cannot force out an orgasm.

It Can Stress Out Your Partner To Know They Have To Get You Off. Some people really panic about their ability to please their partner, and if you make it clear that your pleasure is their responsibility, it can make some people freak out. Unless you’re okay with dealing with a partner having a panic attack, it’s best to chill out.

If You Think About It, Sex Is About Intimacy More Than Pleasure. Most of the time, the reason why people want to have sex is because they crave intimacy. They want to know that they are desired. They want to feel close to you. That is what your partner’s responsibility really should be - to satisfy that need for intimacy. As far as orgasms go, you can give one to yourself.

We Need To Give Ourselves Permission To Say We Want An Orgasm. Too often, we seem to be content with laying back and hoping that our partner will take our feelings and desires into consideration. Some partners are really obtuse, and can’t figure out how to make us climax.

Most Of The Time, Lovers Will Still Work To Please You. There’s a difference between holding someone responsible for an orgasm and having a partner who is refusing to put in effort to please you. We aren’t saying that you should put up with a lazy lover. What we are saying is that the expectation of being given an orgasm shouldn’t be there, though. If your partner is only concerned with their own pleasure, by all means, leave them.