Women Reveal Why Being Ordered Around In Bed Is A Turn On

Dirty talk. Oral sex. These are common things women would, fairly openly, admit are turn ons for them. But what you would not as openly admit is a turn on for you? Being ordered around in the bedroom, perhaps? Bibi Deitz at Bustle had a chat with Hannah Green, a San Francisco-based sex therapist to discuss why women consider being ordered around in the bedroom a turn on. Keep reading to discover why!What do you think? Is being ordered around a turn on, or is it a massive turn off for you? Let us know where you stand in the comments.

Why? This conversation starts with a question: Why? Why do women, or really people in general, find the act of being ordered around a turn on.

Therapist. To answer this question, Bustle writer Bibi Deitz enlisted the help of Hannah Green, a San Francisco based sex therapist.

Parts. Green told Deitz, “A person has a lot of different parts. Usually only certain parts are forefront; people tend to stay with a certain polarity. The picture of wellness is actually to have access to a wide range of those parts."

Sex. Deitz hypothesizes then that “sex is a chance to play with that polarity.” For example, “in the bedroom, a Type A personality can experiment with power to see what it feels like to be told what to do,” said Deitz.

Myths. It’s completely and totally possible to lead a normal life, as well as a normal, happy relationship and to experiment in the bedroom. Green told Deitz, “It can be really healthy to experience all parts of yourself. And it gives you access to a wide range of experiences."

Normal life. In your normal everyday life, you are expected to occupy certain roles, to fulfill certain roles in your friendships, at work, as a part of your family. But the act of submission allows some women to experiment with control and power.

Experience. “It’s an experience of surrender,” Green told Deitz, “It makes sense that there would be some fear there, especially if somebody is trying to be in control in their life.”

Anxiety. “Being in control is one of the first ways we try to deal with anxiety,” Green continued. “But facing that fear and moving through it before we worry what our partner is going to do is coming into acceptance of our own parts. If we bring a spirit of curiosity to all our different parts, our partner is probably going to do the same."

Wrong. Deitz makes a very good point! “Just because you like to be dominated,” she said, “doesn’t mean you’re neurotic, damaged, or anything at all.” Don’t over think it, just embrace your desires.

Fluidity. Allow yourself to succumb to your desire. “Just be fluid,” Green told Deitz, “Our psyches are very wise, and know how to create balance."

Freedom. Green says submission is really at its core about freedom. “There’s more freedom to surrender, and therefore experience different parts of ourselves. It’s about finding aliveness,” she told Deitz.

Taboo. Some facets of sexual freedom are seen as taboo, submission being one of them at times. This is so untrue! Though we think that might be why some people find it more attractive. To go boldly where people tell you you’re not supposed to go.

Open. Deitz advocates for an openness with one’s self. “If you feel open enough with yourself and in the relationship, run with it. Because of taboos, this type of thing can bring up fear and shame."

Learn. You can learn a lot about your partner by allowing them to be in control, which turns a lot of women on. Being able to explore how their partner would function in a position of control.

What do you think? Is submission your thing? Or do you prefer to be the one in the driver’s seat? Make your voice heard in the comments section below!